Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 2 - Yoga Revelations & some other stuff.

Last night I had another round of yoga and it was tough!!!  I started off with the first 10 minutes which was moderate but when you have all the extra's hanging on it can be a bit daunting.  Neverless I pressed on and made it through.  I moved on to the next 10 minutes which was different than the first set.  This time the instructor actually tried to step it up a bit and had us doing more of what I thought to be contortioning. 

I have never been nor do I plan to be a circus entertainer.  Is she crazy? She wanted me to get myself in this plank position and then lift one leg in the air.  Now if she was looking at me she would know that I can't hold my leg up like she was doing simply because one of my legs probably weighed more than her entire body mass.  Now I am exaggerating a bit on that really but, come on now. I am hoping she will have us do something that wont have me pass out.  I really was only able to keep my leg up in the air for all of 10 seconds and down it went, two, three, four and back to child pose I went. I got to tell you I am loving the child pose most of all.

 I am curious to know why it is that all of the trainers and the people we see on television in the weight loss commercials happen to be a perfect size zero when they are trying to get us to lose weight. 

My instructor seems to be a perfect size zero and I can't lie I am feeling a bit of the green eyed monster creeping up in me.  I look at her and think I know I used to look like that and then I look at myself struggling to do the excercises and realizing I am having a real hard time being able to do them. 

I did this to myself.... who would choose this life for themselves willingly?  Not me, not you, I don't think anyone would.  Oh well at least I am on the path to recovery.  I have been thinking about something that one of the bloggers posted, and that was that you have to find out what the issue is behind your eating.

I know now that I am a stress eater, I am a Lover of good food, I am a social eater, and I love to cook and  I also enjoy watching others enjoying the dishes that I have prepared for them.  How these things work against me  well I have to put them into perspective.  I know that if I am feeling sad I have to eat its as if me having some homemade dish will absorb the depression, I feel that with every bite I take I get a little lighter and before you know it I have devoured some rich dish.  Something with a sauce or gravy or butter.  Don't get the wrong impression because I don't eat a lot of hamburgers, or pizza's, and certainly not too many sweets.

I love carrot cake, but I have to be careful where I get it from because some folks have the nerve to put coconut in it and I am deathly allergic to that.  I don't eat brown chocolate because I saw a documentary on it many years ago and so I now have a phobia against it.  You have no idea how limited your choices are when you only eat white chocolate with no brown attached to it at all.  lol  My friends think I am crazy but if you knew what goes into that stuff you would be on the White Chocolate train yourself.  

I think I may be rambling  a bit... basically I wanted to see if others are out there with these same revelations? Well I know there are but I guess I want to know what did you do about them.  I suppose I should get to how I did with my eating for today.

Today for breakfast I had a hard boiled egg, several raw carrots, and a bottle of water.  A little later in the morning I had a few glasses of hot tea.  For lunch I had some beef and shrimp Pho.  I had a regular sized bowl of it and it was delicious.  I had water to drink when I really wanted a soda but I resisted the temptation.  On the ride home I had package of the snack size peanut butter n cheese crackers.  For my dinner I ate a boiled hot link plain, yeah that was it or so I thought but then I was still hungry so I cooked myself 2 gorton fish fillets and one serving of sweet potato fries.  Sighhhhhhh this is going to be tough.

Stay tuned .....

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 1 - Finding the Real Me

Today I neglected to bring anything for breakfast... so I had a can of  tamales that were stashed away in my overhead bin at my desk, (not sure when or how long they had been there for, wow that can't be good)  and to wash them down I did have a nice sized glass of Honey Lemon Ginseng green tea without sugar.  I figure that's kinda like having 6 Big Mac's and then washing it down with a Diet Coke so I should be good there.

I hope that the tamale breakfast doesn't throw the day completely off.  On a good note... After I finished last nights posting I did break out one of the Yoga tapes that was given to me by yep you guessed it RIGHT, my loving mother.  I had myself a 10 minute workout session.  Yes 10 whole minutes.  I figured that is obviously something I can do. Especially since I waste about 10 minutes sitting down anyway.  I have to admit Yoga isn't as easy as it looks, I was surprised at how your body can betray you with even the simplest of poses.

I was thinking to myself who looks good in that downward facing dog pose.  That can't be a flattering look for anyone from behind and certainly not for anyone that is behind you.  Me myself  I was content to remain in Mountain Pose for the duration. lol   However,  I know that Statue Posing isn't the name of the game now is it.  Remember folks, I am a work in progress and I know I have to take baby steps.

Since everyone has to start somewhere, why not start here?

As always thanks for your support. =)

Monday, January 17, 2011


I happened to find this page on the computer today about how several folks had a drastic weight transformation. This happened to show up coincidentally after having the "talk" with my mom the day before.  In this talk she prefaced the conversation with " What I am going to tell you isn't meant to hurt your feelings, I just want you to know something that has been on my mind."  She further went on to say I want you to be more concerned about your health.  She told me that she has a heart condition, not to mention a few other concerns that she has to monitor. Daughter you need to change your eating habits and try to excercise more is what she said.  You have gained a lot of weight and I am worried abut you now give me a hug and she politely sent me on my way.

Now in my head what I heard her say was what most people that have to deal with skinny family members is that you are fat and you need to lose weight.  Mind you that isn't what she said but, as you can imagine my feelings were hurt.

 She knows I have been on a constant battle with my weight since I had my son, yes I know that was more than 10 years ago now however, there are some things that occur in your life that attribute to weight gain. A C- Section, stress, your job, and sometimes I have even heard it just may be genetics.

With every word my mother said, it brought back so many memories of how I used to be the perfect weight.  I used to be able to maintain that weight with no problems.  What happened to the me that I used to be? Where is that girl... why is it that I can't seem to get a handle on this thing.   I work hard, I am not sedintary, as a matter a fact I am very active. No my lifestyle really doesn't give me much of a chance to get to a gym. There are lots of times where I seem to have no motivation to work out when I come home and yep I know these are merely excuses but,  to me they are valid.  If I don't have anyone watching me I don't push myself to let's say workout with one of these shows on t.v. or even use the darn tapes I have.

What I have been doing is making healthy choices and I have to do a considerable amount of walking at work so in my opinion that honestly seems to be enough.  Now in reality I know there are so many other things that I could be doing.  I find myself trying to mimic others and see what worked for them in the hopes that it would work for me.  I have done Weight Watchers, Atkins, the Master Cleanse and  even a few more that for the life of me I can't seem to remember at the present moment.

I figured that I could work this out if I had more of a structured base and possibly get some postive feedback during this process.  I do want to lose weight for not only myself but for my son.  He means everything to me and I certainly want to be here for him since we are all each other has.

If anyone has any pointers I have an open mind.  I realize that I have to take it one day at a time and remembering not to be so hard on myself if I fall down sometimes.